Why I decided to start a blog at 39



I started this blog in my thoughts several years ago, brainstorming in the shower or walking around about things that I'd like to write that might be interesting to read for other people. I chickened out of publishing last year but now I've drawn the courage up to go for it and here I am.

This year is my 39th and as I approach 40 I have been figuring out who I am and who I want to be in my next 39 years. These days my biggest identity is being a mama to my two middle schoolers. Currently 12 and 14, they have been keeping me busy and learning since they were born as they move into stage after stage of development and we navigate the world together as a family.

40 looms large doesn't it? I do not dream of being younger as I am far happier and healthier than I was in my 20s but there is a weight to 40. It's not insignificant. Case in point, I moved to San Francisco when I was 17. So, I have been living in the big city for 22 years. Twenty two! That's the kind of number that can make someone feel established. And yet, everyday I realize there is another thing I should know. Perhaps 40 feels big because this is the age where the confidence of the 20s and 30s has worn off. I think about retirement frequently now but boy is it far off. An in between time, 40. I'm not there yet though so no need to fret.

I had an amazing time visiting the St. Louis arch in the summer of 2024. This picture is a good reminder of my goals for 2025- finding joy and the peace that come from following my heart. 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

1015 Days

Image
I promised myself to write a blog that was about me and about who I am today but I have not yet trusted what I might say. I'm worried I'll hurt someone's feelings or embarrass myself and I'm worried I'll be judged for being silly or small or whatever. But…. But …. I need to be real. I decided to get sober in March of 2022. I did it for my kids mostly because I was scared of who I wanted to become when I drank, which is someone who drinks and has fun and is the life of the party. The thing was, I wasn't that person. I was anxious and nervous and cut myself off because though I want to have fun, I am scared of repeating the past.  I've been sober for two full calendar years 2023 and 2024 and this year I will have my 3 year soberversary in March. I have just closed out my second set of sober holidays and this experience feels at once like a revelation and like nothing special.  The day of my last drink we were on vacation in Oceanside and I was in a bad mood. I...
Read more

Why 2025 is my year of "Peace" and what my goals are

Image
My word for 2025 is Peace.  I love New Year’s Resolutions and have set and taken them seriously most of my adult life. One year I committed to getting 10,000 steps a day and another I vowed to go back to school for my Master’s degree. Last year my best friend gave me the idea to sum up the year’s resolutions with a word. Choosing was hard but once I landed on “Invest” the list wrote itself and I have had so much fun investing in the last year both in the literal sense as well as in myself. Credit for this idea goes to Gretchen Rubin. One major investment was disengaging with all of my volunteer commitments which set me up to have time to reflect and make plans for myself.  Peace is all about the quest to quiet the nagging should haves of the past several years. Last year my word was “Invest” and I made great progress investing in myself. Through that journey I started working on this blog and noticed immediately that making my idea come to life left me feeling lighter and more...
Read more