How we handle allowance (and what it says about our values)

The topic of allowance comes up as kids get older. Among my friends, I know other moms give a weekly or monthly allotment, tie it to chores and those who skip it altogether.

In our house, the kids each have spending money but it doesn't come from a set allowance. We celebrate Lunar New Year so they receive most of their spending money around the new year. We also allow them to cash out of any gift cards they receive if they prefer.

As the middle school years came along, they each started taking their money with them to purchase small items like boba drinks and snacks from the local hardware store (that guy is really a business genius but that's another story). We buy them what they need and want whenever it comes up and and extras for birthdays and holidays.

We do not give them an allowance. The reason for this goes back to when I worked in the office at a early education center.

At the center, we had a late pick up policy in the handbook that allowed for charging fees for each minute late. I never charged the fees but very few people were late. Instead, if a family was late several times I would ask them to come talk to me in person. We would talk about the difficulties they were having and I would share the impact of their lateness on the teachers. I concluded with the magic touch, I would brainstorm with them about alternate solutions. In almost every case, the family just didn't have anyone else to call. I’d introduce them to new friends and set them on the path to being on time. If I would have charged fees instead, parents would have happily paid and continued being late. 

Building on this philosophy, in our house, we don’t pay anyone to do the chores. They do have responsibility but we never wanted to make this transactional because that sets them up to believe that if they don’t do the chores, the repercussion is that there is no allowance which is beside the point. When we get resistance or find a huge pile of clothes in a room, we focus on the reasons they don’t want to do the chores and share the impact on the rest of the family. Then we brainstorm together.

In our home, everyone contributes- not for money but because we care about each other and take responsibility for each other and our home.

My kids have both grown up to be pretty money conscious, they prefer to save their cash rather than spend it. We have other values about money but I think part of this comes from not having a steady source of income, they know that if they want money for the future, they are responsible for saving it up. We want our kids to be frugal and price conscious so, so far, this strategy is working out.